Thursday, December 21, 2006

I don't know if u'll eva really get it.
But for those.....ah fuck it. Any ideas on wut to rite about?
Didn't think so...mhm comment wit sum ideas, n plz don't let it be lame.

Monday, December 18, 2006

As of now

I no longer have a muse.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

i don't even know lol

Tell me wuts real, wuts fact, n wuts false,
Tell me where to go cause n life i feel lost
Don't tell me wut 2 do cause i'm stubborn i do tha opposite
Life would be easy if only i was a locksmith
Tell me wut is ain't gonna be or become
U claimin that u love but rite now i feel none
Feet feel numb where tha heat it on
Tell if on this road that last turn i took was wrong
Eitha way u say, that path i pick has been chosen
No time for pity, suicide or self-loathin
Big ole explosion, tryna get my name seen
Along with my alias thas y it's sewn in my seems (lol can't spell)
Goin on 19 still an ass with my actions
If i can't get a girl i use my had for satisfactions
Sticky icky palm, shake ur hand or grab a titty
Nachoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!! Lets get down to tha nitty gritty

Monday, December 11, 2006

Just Thoughts?

My cousin has moved in, he’s going through a divorce.
Now I’m not saying this at all to scare you darling, but he has his reasons
He wasn’t happy.
That’s what I want, to be happy. Not by myself, but with you
But I want u to be happy also, and as much as it would…
If u weren’t happy, I’d let u go
Lately, every time I turn around relationships are being discussed
U know I’ve neva really been single after u. I’ve always loved you
True, at one time I was unsure, but I have no doubt now, well not now but u get wut I’m sayin lol
I’m always thinking of you, now more than ever. I see u when I wake up, while I’m woke, b4 I sleep, tha whole shebang
Ur worried that u won’t live up to wut I think u will.
And I’ve been sayin u will, as long as u be u. But….
Tha reason I say that is because I don’t know wut I think I want u to be because I’m scared to loose you
I know if I expect too much and u can’t live up to that, I’ll loose you
And I’ll do ANYTHING I can, not to loose you
Everything my cousin wants and needs in a woman, all tha things dad says a man needs in a woman, I have in you
I think ur scared to accept tha fact that I truly love you, that I see u as my TRUE love.
Then again, maybe u do know.
I wish I could just hold you, I wouldn’t have to feel on u, I wouldn’t have to buy u anything
All I need is for u to look me n tha eyez. My eyes hold tha truth, I love you (strong toned voice)
I want to hold u, I need to hold, I have to hold you.
I don’t wanna cry when I see u again, so imma try and hold back tha water works (lol)
But if u knew wut I knew, u know…….this isn’t just thoughts, I love you……

Tuesday, November 21, 2006


I.......I have way too many things goin on at one time. Things to tha point to where my head pounds and thumps. Recently i've a fever, with no other problems other than my head. I.......I need to cut back.......back on games, back on people...back on cobblar (aka coochie). Valerie pointed something out today....she said at one point she was date'n 5 guys n felt.....complete. Because without them she felt she was missing something......5......thas 5 guys n she felt complete...I talk to atleast 10 different girls n still feel as tho nothing as changed.....I thought all I was missing was tha i have that and it's only worse. I'm hold her wishing it was foundation.....whom without I think tha Tim who you know today would be a distant memory, soon to be forgotten.......I talk to people only wishing it was Vetta here and not who ever is talkin........I laugh at stupid stuff only wishin Rere was around to hear it cause she'd be laughin to....And when ever sume one wants to comfort me.....I wish it was Crystal, because as long as we've known each other, all we've done is had each others backs.....I.....I'm lost, Vetta says one thing one nite, then says sume else tha other.....first we connect, now I've always made her head still hurts, this pounding and thumping. Tha ignorant irritating voices shoutin over tha game increases tha pulses.........tha pulses.......will they ever stop.......wut exactly have i done.......wut have i gotten myself into........more girls.........more problems......more pain....tha pounding and thumping...........Y!?!?!........Y I GOTTA BE THA CENTER OF ATTENTION, YET STILL OVA LOOKED......Y CAN I READ SO MANY PEOPLE YET NO ONE CAN READ ME..........AM I THAT COMPLEX OR ARE PEOPLE JUST THAT SLOW...........I.....I can't take it head....tha confusion.........3 years.......can I make it....can my mind make

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Alot on mind

Check it......i gotta get this shit outta my thoughts sume how

It's like this, Lil mama like me. She like me like me to tha point she thought she could be inlove wit me...Lil mama introduced me to ReRe......ReRe introduced me to Vetta, and through Vetta came Troy and Ayo. Now keep in mind during all this i'm engaged to Aubry and everyone knows but Lil mama (i think lol) Soooooo me n ReRe start talkin, and we gettin cool, late nite talks, fallin asleep on tha fone, good laughs, and comforting. It was me comforting her mostly, cause i don't let ppl come to my aid. Thas how me n CJ lost contact for a month (CJ is Lil mama cousin) Now, i was talkin to Rere, Vetta, Troy, CJ, and of course Aubry all durning tha same period. But Aubry and i talked less frequently than others due to her being n college n wut not. Yea i started to think she ain't want me n it was all a lie. But CJ was my faith n strength when mine was gone. Now Rere and Vetta don't think Aubry loves me, now it might not seem all to complicated yet, but just wait..........Rere tells me she loves me, wait, correction, she's IN love with me. Big diference, big meaning big upcoming mistake. So she's inlove with me....ok cool rite? Nope not at all, it's hard enough to deal and believe that tha girl I'VE been inlove with is in love with me too and has been for almost as long as i've been inlove with this new chick say she inlove wit me too! So i did wut anyother nigga in my place thas not used to this woulda done...push her tha fuck away lmao evil? No not at all. I felt like she lied to me, i mean how u gon love me? I mean honestly,

Monday, October 30, 2006

This Outter Shell

Uh oh! Lights out, no camera no action, just me. Me? Is it really just me? I dunno, i can't see. There's this nothingness, this void, this darkness that surrounds me. No stumbling or fallin, there's nothing there to trip over. It's cold, it's hot, its warm it's cool. I love you, i hate you. I push u pull, u pull i push, tug or war we play, i guess i'm str8, which means bad day. Who's there!??! I heard something!! Nope nothing, not even tha wind..... I'm lonely come hold me. But wait i'm alone. I cry but no tears, no heights so no fears rite? Nope, cause i'm alone. This nothingness, this void, this darkness that surrounds me. I'm smiling! I remember!! My friends my family!! Ahh i feel tha warmth of ur hands. Your eyes, such beauty. That smile, Tha harshness of reality is back once again. No control, no comfort, no sleep, nothing. Is all lost, or is nothing found? Can u define happiness? Many ppl decribe saddness, hate, depression and despair, but none define happiness. What is happiness? Is it a good feeling? How does it counter-act with feeling bad then? Is happiness all a figment of our imaginations? Do we long for happiness so much that we make it up or pretend that it exist? Because of some word in tha dictionary, every uses this word along with many out of context. Happiness has no meaning, there for i think it shouldn't be a word. Betta than that illusion refered to has happy. But this are thought that come around in this nothingness, this void, this darkness that surounds me. For this is my inner self, no beauty, no gimicks, no sweet talks, just tha truth. And all ppl are invibe with is this worthless outter shell, ppl are bound by appearences. U don't love me, u don't vibe me. U vibe this outter shell that seems more important, more....unique than tha rest. It has it's qualities, but so does everyone. But makes mine so special? Nothing. Tha thoughts views and opinions? U don't know have of them. I encourage ppl to vent and rant because bottling up isn't healthy. Why? Because i'm a prime example of bottling too much up. So as i stated, u don't vibe me, because vibe is just a word, and words are meaningless. Its tha actions behind those words that give them meaning. So vibe on if u diggin it.
Words are just words, meaningless words, it's tha actions behind those words that give them meaning.

Friday, October 27, 2006

(imma put this in spittin too)

I ain't gotta elude tha truth to be with you
I can be honest and pull my pull of pulls
You pool of fools, i'm takin you all to school, so you can gain knowlegde and wisdom
Quit tha bitchin, n listen something must be forgivin, its a given. Those ppl are dead yet they livin
Ppl around sin'n and since then. Your life went topsy turvy
Hopin you can be someone else and suck em up like Kirby.
That thursday everything fine and dandy, smile on ya face like u got some candi

Signs of Kissing (not finished)

My words are but words.
They venture from my mouth
2 my lips, from my lips 2 your ears
The sound of my words rest softly upon you eardrum
"I love you."
At that moment my lips became one, a powerful comination indeed.
A kiss.
One thas always planned but never expected, was formed and given on your cheek
A sign of friendship
Then one on your forehead.
A sign of concern.
Then on your lips
A sign of love
The final kiss was only tha begining
A kiss on your neck
A sign of longing

(Let me know wut yall think fareal, ppl at work likeded it but yea. I was told i should stop at tha feet. But let me know)

Thursday, October 26, 2006


Now thas something that no one has alot of. No not of tha world but of me
I only let certain ppl know certain things about me. No one really knows everything about me
Then again ur not gonna find someone at all that knows EVERYTHING about a person but yea. I mean for example. When i have......complications (yea, yea, thas word) with Aubry...tha one person to turn to is Crstyal. Thas my girl rite there, Kit-Kat, i love you to death. I got u, and u got me. N sorry if i'm an ass but we've gotten used to that fact. Still within tha example, I dont tell Rere about tha.....complications between Aubry and myself. Granted she my friend n she care about me n wants me happy. To know i'm havin trouble with Aubry might make her happy. (not sayin i don't want her happy but yea). Vetta kinda get's wind of bits of everything. She's usually tha last person i talk to, n everyone who's talked to me around nite nite time, KNOWS a nigga be loopy as fuck lol. Keyla tries lol. But wit her now talkin to this other dude. Imma let her do her. She wants to be there for me, but she can't if she wanna man lol DUH lol. Mia is my musiq info girl. Thas my musiq road dog lol. Any type of music i like, she like. We'll sit n talk about music But who can i talk to about girls? Not Rere, she gets offended, not Vetta, she says i'm wrong for wut i do, not mia, cause it's not music lol, not Keyla cause she used to get offended. So who? Jinx? Nerp, that nigga talk to me bout girls, i just listen. James? Hell we don't talk that often no more lol. Jaz? Wow that name popped up outta nowhere, but she hasn't. Aubry? U gotta be kiddin me. If i talked to Aubry bout some, it sho ain't bout these girls lol. Now Bryboo, u might think I do, but trust me, i don't. But it's cool, cause i'm a jealous bastard so i don't wanna know bout nan nigga. Oh n Troy for a good laugh (i ain't forget u! lol) But all n all, all these girls hold a place in my heart. And knowledge of me of sume specific in their head. (this has complete lost direction from tha original idea in my head. But maybe it's from Vetta talkin bout her goin to tha gas station tonight with tha pit-bull lmao. Who knows) But it just goes to show. I listen, they listen, they tell, i tell, i understand, they try to lol. I love yall but yall don't know shit bout me. Lol well ya know shit, but it ain't as much as u think lol


I don't have any. No...seriously I have NONE!
Well depends on tha type of control we're talkin about. Control ova sexual impulses? Got that.
But as far as over all control, i have none
I have absolutely no control ova my life
I get paid, mama spends my money
I want my hair down, mama wants me to put it up
I wanna go here, i can't cause no ride
Why no ride? Cause i can't save money cause mama spends it all
Say sume to her? Ha, offend my mother, i've got better ways than doin it like that
I want kids, my future wife says she gettin em tied
It's like every fuckin decsion i want to make in life, i can't because ppl say i can't or ppl hold me down.
N thas fuckin bullshit. Thas another reason y i play RPG (Role Playing Games) because there, and only there, do i feel like i have control ova something. My life, my fate, my destiney. It's as if it's been laid out for me as though i want it. I DON"T!!! Tha only thing i've fought to have is Aubry. But can i truly call her mine? In 3 years we'll know. A year later, a hystawatchamacallit n no kids. Or so she claims. I don't even know any more. My mind is all jumbled. How can i claim to be religious yet not talk to God? I talk, but we neva converse. Mama try to force her beliefs on me. U had years to do wut u wanted to do have ur fun, do u dirt, n turn to God. Let me live my OWN FUCKING LIFE!!!! I'LL NEVA BE WAT ANYONE EXPECTS!!!! Not tha greatest poet, rapper, lover husband son NADA! I'm TIM if u don't like that Soooooooooooooo what!! Yes i am a mutil-racial racist. Some how i do seem to keep myself from killin myself. So lets not focus on my apparent faults. Leave tha negativity, and "talk to God" and lets focus on something positive that works. Even ponder wus wrong. THIS IS!! I DON'T CONTROL MY LIFE!!! Sooooo FUCK what u heard!! (theres more n my head but fuck it rite now

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

A Trick-free Convo Proposal

Hey Zang. Feel free to comment on this one. I would like to say thank you for havin me and my family in ur prayers. I'll do tha same. Sooo ummm, whats good? How school? (with all mind game aside lol)

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

I wish i knew it all but i dont...and thas ok

It's like this, there is something about u i don't like. its not tha fact that u love him. Its tha fact that u've left me 2 b with him b4. And i'm afraid u'll do it again. U don't miss "just boyfriends" I know u don't cheat. I've wasn't thinkin that u were. People at work tell me their engaged. I say tha same. I tell them about our distance and they say ur cheating or fucking. But i don't believe eitha. Nor has tha thought came across my mind that u could be. U say u love me. U say ur IN love with me. U just don't do that to ppl u have those kinda of feelings for. Maybe thas y i don't understand y u still love Zang. Maybe tha reason why i write so much about/toward you is because maybe u'll understand. I want I WILL show u. U WILL feel it.
But those are just meaningless words. But my tears aren't words, nor are they meaningless. I can't stand tha thought of losing you. When i think of it, my chest swells up, n tears form. I won't let them fall. I don't cry often. Y can't we say we're destined to be? Y can't we say we're soul-mates. My mind heart and soul was made up a while ago that we were destined to be, and were soul-mates. That u are my true love. But didn't i teach u to have faith in us? U said what we had was lasting. I BELIEVE U! I honestly and truly believe that we'll last. Doesnt that give us tha rite to say we'll last? "I think no I konw that we can work this is out if we have a lot of stuff in common plus we love each other" Remember that? I know there's no time limit on trusting urself, in time it will happen. I know there's no time limit on trusting urself, in time it will happen. But i'll be here. I never want to have to say Goodbye.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006


Fuck urself!
Why don't u wanna love me huh? Who do u wanna love? Zang? Oh wait u already do so how tha fuck am i stoppin yall from doin yall?
I'm not
Its not like my love is holding u back, cause u don't giva fuck bout me rite? Rite. Was it sumething ur Noko said? Nah couldn't be, ur grown ass woman makin ur own life.
And Zang, u must think i giva fuck bout u got to say still? Umm i don't. Say wut u wanna. Do wut u wanna. Plot all u want. I DON"T GIVA FUCK!!!
U say u dont' care about my poems, yet u got to my page to read em just to stay updated???
Fuck it man, if u don't wanna love me don't. It's not like ya give a damn. I know u not no muthafucking perfect.
True, i don't know u as well as i think i do, but i know u betta than u think i do. It's tha same fuckin shit it was as b4. I know wut u gon do. "Some of tha cloest ppl to me have told u" blah blah blah, that don't mean shit neitha
I fuckin quit! U don't do nuttin but talk shit any muthafuckin way. I SMOKE and I DRINK!!!! SO FUCKIN WUT?!?! U do some shit i ain't fuckin fond of eitha ya know. But i ain't said shit bout it. U gon do u, and keep on livin, so good luck wit that
Errbody can kiss my ass!! Them fuckin folks don't know me or giva fuck bout me, just like u don't know a damn!
Bullshittin lie'n ass muthafucker


Nothing in life is easy except mistakes. People pretend, they don't nessisarlly lie. But avoid that somethings aren't workin out. Now over all it could be goin well. But even tha lil things can cause doubt. My girl is 16 hours away. And technically she's not my girl. We're single, we've agreed to that. But does that make me view her any different? No not at all. Love was never ment to be a game. Society changed it into a game, as if it's america's favorite past-time event. True, love has it's ups and downs. As does true love. But true love should have more ups than down. If it doesn't, u should question is that love true, or for that matter, it is love at all. Being raised? My father (a.k.a sperm donar) was a cheater, n cause my parents divorce. To this day i neva truly forgave him. I seen how my mother reacted, and chose not to do women wrong. I've cheated ONCE in my life. N vowed neva to cheat again. I was 15 then, n my promise hasn't been broken to this day. I know women, if i wanted to be a playa or pimp, trust n believe i could. But regardless of wut flows thru my veins, thas not who i am as a person. I choose my own path as a man in life. True, i haven't found who i am yet, and have many doubt about myself that i shouldn't. But tha worries of tha world don't concern me. I play by my rules, and God's rules.


Normally this would be my reply to ur poem. But this is just settin some things str8
I've NEVER claimed to love you. I do love you. And i'm in love wit you
I'm not gon dog Zang out eitha, i have no reason to
But it's neva been about which of us loves u more. It's who u love more.
Strangely enough i thought we came to tha agreement that we really do love each other.
And when u came down was when i was goin to officially ask you to marry me. Thas y i was gettin rings and was gonna get a ticket for u n everything. So i could do it rite, not tru dez, not thru a poem or fone, but in person. I can't come see u at free will, tho i wish i could. Tha only time we've been together, u wouldn't even look at me, and marriage wasn't in our talks. And for someone who wouldn't put ppl in comprimising situations. Y r u puttin my love against Zangs? Will that really end your confusion?
U really don't know wut u want. But thas okay, cause i'll be here till u do, and afterward as well

In Love

I miss you. And i miss your mother.
I remember makin plans for u to have a lil brother
Where my boi? Put him on tha fone "Hey Malik wut you doin?"
I remember rockin and singing u to sleep. I guess you found my voice soothing
I remeber getting you out ur car seat and just holding you
Thinking to myself, this is too good to be true
You used to bite me after u and Wealth got done fighting
Your momma used to say "don't laugh at my baby"
dada dada, he calls everyone that. yea but i'm the only figure around to be his dad
But mama warned me, she said not to get attached.
I guess she had a feeling "you know who" was coming back
I loved when u came over. You were never a bother
I was a stranger, that was there like a Father
Your mama and i used to talked about tha 3 of us living happily
But i now see, i wasn't in love with eitha of you.
I was in love with having a family

Your Turn/Feel me?

Course you fingers throught my hair. Let the curls of my hair engulf you inner palm. Grace my face with you fingers, now slide off my glasses as you feel upon every bag and every brow.
Wait, you stopped.
I said "what's wrong" but no reply, you just layed you index finger upon my lips. I opended one eye, only to see yours moving.
I read your lips.
Your counting my freackles. Your hand elongated towards the back and hit my hot spots
Your touch is enticing.
You took your time as you reached my shoulder.
Gavem em a lil rub too
As you open palmly slid over my coar bone. To see the full effect, errect of both my nipples
You explored down and around, inch and corner. you left scratch marks you mark yours, yet it was heavenly
Exhilarating, how you know me inside and out
Gently slide you hands down and around the wideth of my arms.
Stop at my hands
Under each finger, where a blister would normally be. You feel the foughness of my hands. Roll my hand over and feel the throbing in between my fingers, and that pain in my forearm i haven't told anyone about. Touch me like you lov eme
Show me love me through your touch.
It isn't my turn yet, but i can feel you through me
But do you feel me?

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Lasting (prolly not tha best title lol)

Me n momma talked. I asked her tha question ur friend asked u.
She replied "Of course"
I asked her about tha wut if's,
"Eva wondered wut if u n dad weren't ment to be?"
At first i did, but that was only when i was depressed sad or lost
"Why did it change?"
Because he rid me of fear. I no longer had to wonder, will he do me like tha last, does he really love me, is he blown'n smoke up my butt (ya know she rarely says ass lol).
She said everyone was put in ur life for a reason. Some are to help u, some are to hurt u
"How do u know when they're to help u?"
They help you lol
Aubry, in case u didn't know, u've helped me. U've encouraged me to speak my own mind when its needed. U've intensified my emotions. U are tha muse to my writings. U've supported me to get my GED. And made me feel special once i had it. To know someone other than family, or girls tryna get wit me, means alot to me. I don't have alotta faith in myself, but it's more than b4 i moved to KC. And thas thanks 2 u. U said i taught u to have faith in us rite? But tha only reason i HAD/still have (just in case it came off wrong lol) faith, is because u have me reason long ago to believe we'll have something long lasting. And thas tha love we share, Lasting. In tha position we're in, i can't show u i love you, u can't show me eitha. But thas where our faith comes in. NO ONE can ever take ur place, i won't let them, nor could they if they tried, tho some are lol. I can't rid u of ur fears as of now, but in time, will you let me. I'm trying now, but i'm young. I want us to grow old together, to laugh at tha other cause they found a gray hair, then other pluck one from tha other n say "who's laughin now?" I want to have grandkids. But most of all
I want to have you

Tha Greatest Treasure

I've had those same what if's. But i wouldn't be me without you. My "plans" are just ways to make life easier in tha future. For u and me. Wut if we weren't supposed to meet? Wut if we aren't supposed to be together/happy/married? FUCK those wut if's. All i care about is u. I stress out on these plans because i'm afraid i can't give u tha life ur used to. U said it' feels funny not havin money, thas a normaly feeling for me. But am i wrong for wanting that? Am i wrong for loving u as much as i do? Sometimes i question that because i'm afraid to get hurt. I've fallen so deep nlove wit u, iono wut i'd do if i were to lose u. My chest gets tingly, my breathing changes, my whole body starts to cave in and crawl into a lil ball at tha thought of losing u. So i don't think it. But am i wrong to doubt ur love? U say Zang is just an ex yet u miss him. And this D(if thas tha guy i think he is) has u change'n display names n i hear it in ur voice, i hear that emotion when u talk about him. I just get scared but don't say nuttin. But at tha same time, u have tha same rite to doubt my love. All these other girls sayin they nlove wit me, i could just pick n choose. As if yall all apples n ready for picking lol. But i did choose, i chose u long ago. True, things have gotten harder, but don't they always? Didn't Cha have a good feelin about us? My friends don't count cause u don't put out lol. But hell, if mama is callin u daughter-in-law. My play sisters call u sister. Do u honestly think after all this, after all we've been thru, we're not ment for each other??? Ur my Aubry, not my trophy, but my Aubry, tha greatest treasure this pirate could plunder (ARG MATEIE!!!) I'm ur Tim, ur complicated, ur Tinkerbell without tha fairy dust or homo jokes attacted to it. Noko said to love me like so n so (it was alot of different ppl lol) Was she worried about tha wut if's. No path taken is tha rite one. Jesus was tha only perfect person. We are allowed to make mistakes. But who's to say that "we" aren't tha mistakes. But cause my heart hasn't covered my eyes, n both say we're ment to be. If loving u is wrong, i'll just have to be in Hell. U r tha person i've waited my whole life for. I won't let u slip away, in your confusion, nor my own. I'm nlove wit u, ur inlove wit me, we're gettin married, and thas final. (don't take that tha wrong way lol)

Friday, October 13, 2006


Why am i depressed? I stopped my eatin habits, well i didn't stop, but i did slow down. A small meal or two a day. Not for weight, but because i'm just not in tha mood to eat. Better things to do i guess. Or other things on my mind. Tha days where i'm myself at work. Ppl just look at me n say wus wrong. My reply is eitha nuttin, sleepy, or just thinking. It's ususally tha last two. My mama said "aslong as she makes u happy" Does she really make me happy? Couldn't tell u. Why? Because i dont know if i make my ownself happy, how would i know if another did it for me. Does she cheer me up? Of course, she puts aside her problems to cheer me up from mine. But as each day comes and passes, i find myself slippin deeper into my thoughts. I've got a plan to make sume outta my life, and it changes every day. Something new happens, my hours change, someone doesn't get money that they need. I'm con'd into buy something. I get hungry. Everything affects my plan. Gold, white gold, silver, plantium, yellow diamonds, pc's plane tickets, bills, everything affects this plan. But once my plan has been accomplished, then wut? How hold will i be? Will i finally be married? Will i have a son or daughter? Will tha changing of tha name still run thru my mind? Will this bring me happiness? Why am i lookin towards others and "plans" to make me happy, maybe "my" happiness comes n goes because of who i am. Maybe i won't find happiness, but doesn't mean i won't look

Some disappointing news

Dang, bad news. There's a possiblity u ain't comin. Damn. thas eff'd up on so many different levels. It's been more than a year now since we've seen each other. Iono if tha pix are helpin or makin it worse. I really....really miss u. And I've had my heart set on this for tha longest. N to know u prolly won't come is a very big disappointment. But it's not ur fault, i'm not sayin that, nor am i thinking that. It's just that, not only have i been talkin bout it. I been thinkin about it. I mean i just wanna hold u n my arms again. I wanna touch u, and then TOUCH u. I want to feel u, and really "feel" u. I've got that one memory that i hold on to and remember like it was yesterday. Namely because in my head, i relive it all tha time. I can't think selfish about this. Family comes first........
Maybe i'm writin this to let u know it's how i feel. Maybe cause i need to get it off my chest. But i wish i could change it. Here i am soundin like it's a big deal, maybe it's a big deal to me......maybe too big of a deal.....i don't feel like talkin bout it now more. I sound pathetic............maybe i am. Regardless,.........yea

Monday, October 09, 2006


Can u be in love with some's personality, yet not inlove with tha person? Yes. A person has more to them than their personality. You are in love with apart of them *Aubry- U made me love you. You showed me so many different sieds and pieces of ur complexed personality. And i fell in love with all of them* I've been told "I'm inlove with your personality" plenty of times. Does that mean they are inlove wit me? No, something is holding them back, it could be about me, or themselves, that truly depends on tha person. But durning this while lil cut scene (lol), no relationship has taken place. Apparently tha ladder theory was correct. And i won't be a cuddle bitch (right Adrian?) Most of yall females stupid as fuck. Now i love women, but seriously, how u gon say i'm wus best for you and u know and understand that.... but stay wit that nigga thas doinu wrong?!?!? Lmao. "We tryna work things out" When it really means tha relationship is bad and on its last leg, prep'd for amputation.
How bout my favorite line. " You're too good for me" Wtf am i chocolate? Now if i was rich, sweet, and filled with caramel goodness or some shit like that then yea biish i'm too good for u. Like a kiss will put u in diabetic shock. Got (extended sound of "o") damn, yall got issues LMFAO


I love you, i love everything about u.
U know i cried (not bawled) when Noko died.
She was my Noko too. True, i neva met her or spoke to her. But u made me feel ike she was always available (except when those damn kids needed surgery lol) and was rite next to u.
And u spoke to me as though we were only 30mins (why u gotta be difficult while i'm askin u this lol) away again.
So thank you.
When i need you, and let you know, your're there asap.
Also, we doubt each others love, yet don't doubt our own,
If that ain't some trick out shit lmao
Ay Luis is really gettin on my nerves bout this damn girl
Brand new job and he willin to get fired to see her, now some might say, "Aww thas sweet, or He must love her" Hell Naw, he just stupid.
But seriously, these past few days talkin to u have been great. I've neva been ashamed to express my love for u. And i'm still not.
So Spooky Doo Doo, i love you and i'm in love wit you. I miss you and i'm proud of you. I always have been
N don't worry, u'll get ur tun to cry
Forever N Always

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

An opening

Have ur feelings changed for me? Do u still want to marry me? Do u miss me like i miss you? Do u really long to talk to me like you claim? Friends have become distant, all there is, is u and i. U r wut matters to me. i only wish u really knew...

I don't even turn to them (friends) for advice like i used to. When we married, wuts us is us rite? u'd be surprised how things have changed. But i'm still in love wit u. That hasn't changed
*Quoted from me*
Know wus scary, to me at least?
Losin Aubry, not havin her n my life. Losin her love
My friends be tellin me bout they girl n wut not, n i'm thinkin "So, I got Aubry"
I be wantin all my friends (guys lol) 2 go get an Aubry
To me, she's like tha rare pokemon card from back in tha day
N i got it in a booster pack
N i brag about that shit, hell people brag for me
Luis was talkin about girls n i get ready to comment n he says "Shut up Tim, not everyone has an Aubry"
So i shuteded tha fuck up n was like "true true"
*end of quotes*
Bry, i'm so fuckin proud n happy to have u n my life i'd do flips if i wasn't scared i'd land on my neck and die
I ALWAYS THINK OF U. I could be on tha fone with another girl, with James, Bryan, Jinx it don't matta. I'm thinkin of u. Ya know momma is starting to ask questions but......she refers to u has her daughter-in-law. Example. "So u talk to my daughter-in-law? Hows my daughter-in-law?"
At first it threw me off, i've neva heard momma refer to anyone like that. N yet thas wut she calls u, n hasn't changed tha term. Even momma talks about us gettin married lol
I'm lost, and i know u know tha feeling. But i'm lost and ur not around enough to hep guide me to tha rite path. U think i ask u think kinda stuff because i really don't know but i do. I just need an opinion other than my own. I can understand if ur lost as well, but don't push me away. If u wanna push some, push tha numbers on tha fone and call me. U write one thing, and ur actions do another. Who am i to believe, tha writer, or tha college student? Even if u don't have nothing to say dammit call! Just knowin u took tha time to call me means so much. I can't even hear ur voice on ur voice mail for satisfaction. And u tellin ur roomates u were in love wit me, made me happy and embarassed. I'm all like "So she's this conforatable with her feelings about me, it's about time lol"
Tha poems that i write for/to u, aren't from tha Poet Tim. They're from Tim's Heart, My Heart. And u are my heart. I constantly daydream about u. Tha dreams aren't lustful, they're of us as in US. Spending qt (quality time) together, holdin hands, eating gummy worms, watchin family guy. Eatin tha food u cook that makes u shit (see not all cakin lol) I don't exactly know all ur worries related towards me, but i know mine towards you. I'm afraid some guy will sweep u of ur feet cause he doesn't know about me. That u'll spend more qt with him, and send me to tha voice mail more often when i call. And out of tha blue, u tell me ur not in love with me anymore. That scared tha livin shit outta me.
I need u to love me tha way no one else ever has
I need u to understand me, to where u tell me why i'm lost, be i can tell that i am lost
I need u to miss me to where my eyes swell up because i don't want U feeling that way
I need u to comfort me, until my past is eitha forgotten or forgiven
I held my brother as his body jerk uncontrolably. I felt his every movement, i saw tha warmth leave his eyes as his stare became cold and aimless. I saw his tongue move in and out his mouth, his drool like down his chin as i'm saying "Wealth, Wealth, come on snap outta this. Don't be a baby be a big boi" And him remain silent, still stare'n cold into tha nothingness. I put my hand on his chest to feel his heart be was beyond a normal pace. As he recover, my mind was on u. I had to tell u. I told u about tha last, i'll tell u about tha recent. Why? Because just as much as he is my baby brother (he is tha youngest) i see him equally as yours.
If u got bad news to tell me just say it. Wut, will i slip into depression? I been there for a couple weeks now. Just be real. I love you, i'm IN love wit you, and i miss you.
Call me