Some disappointing news

Dang, bad news. There's a possiblity u ain't comin. Damn. thas eff'd up on so many different levels. It's been more than a year now since we've seen each other. Iono if tha pix are helpin or makin it worse. I really....really miss u. And I've had my heart set on this for tha longest. N to know u prolly won't come is a very big disappointment. But it's not ur fault, i'm not sayin that, nor am i thinking that. It's just that, not only have i been talkin bout it. I been thinkin about it. I mean i just wanna hold u n my arms again. I wanna touch u, and then TOUCH u. I want to feel u, and really "feel" u. I've got that one memory that i hold on to and remember like it was yesterday. Namely because in my head, i relive it all tha time. I can't think selfish about this. Family comes first........
Maybe i'm writin this to let u know it's how i feel. Maybe cause i need to get it off my chest. But i wish i could change it. Here i am soundin like it's a big deal, maybe it's a big deal to me......maybe too big of a deal.....i don't feel like talkin bout it now more. I sound pathetic............maybe i am. Regardless,.........yea