Happiness

Why am i depressed? I stopped my eatin habits, well i didn't stop, but i did slow down. A small meal or two a day. Not for weight, but because i'm just not in tha mood to eat. Better things to do i guess. Or other things on my mind. Tha days where i'm myself at work. Ppl just look at me n say wus wrong. My reply is eitha nuttin, sleepy, or just thinking. It's ususally tha last two. My mama said "aslong as she makes u happy" Does she really make me happy? Couldn't tell u. Why? Because i dont know if i make my ownself happy, how would i know if another did it for me. Does she cheer me up? Of course, she puts aside her problems to cheer me up from mine. But as each day comes and passes, i find myself slippin deeper into my thoughts. I've got a plan to make sume outta my life, and it changes every day. Something new happens, my hours change, someone doesn't get money that they need. I'm con'd into buy something. I get hungry. Everything affects my plan. Gold, white gold, silver, plantium, yellow diamonds, pc's plane tickets, bills, everything affects this plan. But once my plan has been accomplished, then wut? How hold will i be? Will i finally be married? Will i have a son or daughter? Will tha changing of tha name still run thru my mind? Will this bring me happiness? Why am i lookin towards others and "plans" to make me happy, maybe "my" happiness comes n goes because of who i am. Maybe i won't find happiness, but doesn't mean i won't look